pentru ca william a refuzat sa se obisnuiasca

detest oamenii care se obisnuiesc

''ehh, m-am obisnuit''
urasc expresia asta. o urasc din tot sufletul, ca pe cel mai mare dusman al meu. vreau sa nu o rostesc niciodata. suna prea mult a resemnare. a ceva impus si inghitit, a compromis.
suna prea mult a lene.

culca-te

mi-am dat seama ca stateam acolo si ma uitam la ei fara sa inteleg nimic din agitatia lor. ce faceau ei? isi pierdeau timpul pe banca aia neincapatoare in jurul unui pachet de tigari si al unei sticle de bere. ce povesteau ei? eu ce faceam acolo? si daca plecam unde ma duceam?
acasa. ce cuvant gol pentru mine. care acasa? in camera aia albastra in care ma asteapta propriile regrete?
in camera in care pe birou un paienjen care isi asteapta moartea intr-o cutiuta de plastic?
mi s-a parut ca o vad pe strada. n-a observat nimeni cum mi s-a schimbat expresia in acele momente in care m-am lasat inselat ca e ea.
suna pe cineva. fa telefonul cuiva sa-i urle prin vis ca ai nevoie de ajutor.
si atunci realizezi ca nu ai pe cine sa suni. ca nu e nimeni dispus sa te asculte la ora asta, nici macar sa stea sa-ti asculte respiratia intrerupta de gandurile care te fac sa tremuri. nu e nimeni...
esti singur .
nu esti singur. nu esti niciodata singur cat inca iti mai auzi propriile ganduri.
du-te acasa. inveleste-te singur si trece-ti propriile brate imprejur. culca-te cu fantomele regretelor tale si lasa-le sa danseze cu promisiunile din vis. culca-te. e dimineata si tremuri si nu se minte nimeni ca te vede pe strada de dorul tau. e dimineata si nimeni nu iti cauta numele in agenda stiind ca esti gata sa-i asculti tacerea.

and this is how it feels inside

sony: D, what if i am ftm?
D: a what?
sony: female to male transgender
D: nu inteleg
D: stai
D: psihic sau fizic
sony: psihic
D: esti de mult

sony: and what if i go through surgery and hormone treatment?
D: n-ai decat sa-ti ruinezi viata daca tii asa mult
D: eu zic sa nu
D: daca tii la parerea mea asa mult

D: devii un monstru

thoughts in the park

go play outside with dirty dogs
go feed the poor the lost the birds
for the poor comfort of your soul
for asking in return from all

for feeling better for yourself
for getting close to mental health
you lonely reader of this line
with hopes and fears so much like mine

in search of things that shaped you so
and someone willing to love thou

go live in ways you've never lived
in manors you consider fit

go make the same mistakes again
the ones your conscience never blame
for all you have is what you see
this worthless piece that's left of me

and this world that amazes us still
so big yet small and very ill
fear not the things to come ahead
fear not the days when you'll be dead

n'or the true friend who will betray
or the so close who soon will stray

but laugh at this insane poor act
and at the power of the fact
at your so doubtfull words and eyes
in laughter all the power lays

the laughter coming form the heart
which seems to them unearthly hard
that's nothing but the life you had
not knowing in the shaky hand

the life you'll also find in pain
the sorrow lacking it's own name
go then! waste no more of your time
i'm done and you will be just fine.

17

pinocchio is now 17.
there are people who didn't know that yesterday was pinocchio's birthday.
but pinocchio loves them because there are things more important than wishing somebody a happy birthday on time.
like answering a call at 3 o clock in the morning.
like going for miles or doing the imposibile to see him, to hear him, to make him a favour.
there are simple things that mean the world for pinocchio. like knowing him and loving him for who he is.


make a wish pinocchio!
i want to be a real boy...