luni, 24 septembrie 2012
Femeia care ma tunde.
Sunt doua locuri unde merg sa ma tund. Unul e o frizerie unde de obicei e plin de barbati trecuti de 35 de ani care vorbesc tot timpul despre curve. Cand vine cate unul dintre ei cu baiatul la tuns, subiectul se schimba dar se pastreaza obscenitatile. Apreciez faptul ca exista un loc unde toti acesti oameni se pot intalni sa vorbeasca liber, pentru ca, in pula mea, cuvintele sunt niste ingramadiri de silabe care nu fac rau nimanui. Acolo ma tunde un barbat care nu ma intreaba cum vreau bretonul si urechile si cacaturi inutile de genu, pentru ca in primu rand e frizer si in al doilea rand e barbat si stie, in pula mea, sa ma tunda ca lumea fara sa intrebe. Si daca as fi un fulg de zapada special cu pretentii ar trebui sa-i spun ca d'aia mi-a dat natura gura.
Al doilea loc unde ma tund e populat de obicei de femei. E un salon cu patru angajate dar ma tund intotdeauna la doua dintre ele. Amandoua sunt batrane, grase si cu parul alb. Prima se uita la tine cu o imensa satisfactie din momentul in care intri pe usa. Nici nu apuci sa te asezi pe scaun si te intreaba ce mai faci. Daca esti la ea a doua oara deja stie daca ai frati sau surori, unde inveti, unde lucreaza parintii tai si alte detalii personale. Cu toate acestea, ea nu isi aduce aminte niciodata cum vrei sa te tunzi. Ma intreaba intotdeauna cat de scurt, daca vreau sa-mi decupeze urechile, daca vreau bretonul asa sau altfel, daca il tin in fata sau il dau pe spate, daca am fost vreodata vopsit si daca a trecut mult timp de cand m-am tuns. Dupa ce termina setul de intrebari incepe sa sporovaiasca despre ea. Intotdeauna o ascult dar niciodata nu reusesc sa-mi amintesc ce spune dupa ce ies pe usa salonului.
Cealalta femeie este exact opusul. Intru pe usa si se face ca nici nu ma observa. Ma apropii de ea si se uita la mine cu o privire care ma ingheata si ma intreaba ce vreau. Ma asez in tacere pe scaunul la care tunde ea si ea se apropie si scoate dintr-un sertar pieptanul, foarfeca, masina, peria si alte obiecte, dupa care se apuca de treaba. Mai intai imi da tarcoale de vreo trei ori si imi examineaza parul de parca ar fi un detectiv la locul crimei. Imi trece mana prin par si il intinde si il masoara din ochi, apoi apropie foarfeca si taie din el, dupa care se asigura ca a taiat cat trebuie. Cand tunde, lumea intreaga dispare si ea se pierde in aceasta activitate. Desi frizerul ma tunde mai bine, vin in acest al doilea loc tocmai pentru aceasta femeie care are o relatie personala cu parul meu. Ma intriga dedicarea ei, felul in care isi contorsioneaza bratele ca sa tunda o suvita exact asa cum vrea ea, felul in care verifica fiecare smoc de trei ori ca sa se asigure ca totul e egal si simetric inainte sa ma ia la spate cu masina si sa incheie ritualul. Aceasta rigurozitate autista ma fascineaza si ma relaxeaza. Cu toate ca sunt patru angajate acolo, la ora la care ma tund eu de obicei locul e aproape gol, cu exceptia cate unei femei care vine sa-si faca unghiile si e surprinzator de liniste pentru un loc populat de mai mult de o femeie. Azi aproape ca am cazut in hipnoza privind foarfeca, numai gandul la sunetul ei ritmic ma relaxeaza. Cu toate ca ritualul se termina intotdeauna prea devreme, tocmai cand incepe sa-mi placa mai mult felul in care ma gadila parul care imi curge pe gat, experienta e deajuns sa ma binedispuna o zi intreaga.
Azi am fost sa ma tund si-a fost fain.
marți, 18 septembrie 2012
To Anton
I'm writing this on my blog because I have a lot of things to say about this subject. I've been thinking about it for a long time because I've seen the debates and even though I haven't seen the videos you liked me to yet, I think I know what you mean.
Most of the times LGBT people recognize that there are other ways of manifesting yourself, your love and your identity other than the strict gender roles enforced by the society. Non-LGBT people hate LGBT people because they fear that in a world of total freedom, they will be the ones oppressed and their ways of expression will be frowned upon. And I've seen LGBT people doing that. The problem is that everybody fails to understand that nobody should enforce anything on anybody.
The rainbow metaphor is an excellent one. Non-LGBT people are black and white, men and women who are not bothered by the norms of society because they naturally fit in the stereotypes. LGBT are not black and white. They are different colors and different shades and they can't be categorized in two simple and understandable terms because everyone is different. LGBT people complain about the pressure to fit in and choose between black and white or settle for a neutral grey.
It's true that not all people fit the binary, but it's also true that a lot of people fit comfortably in the binary and when some of us say ''fuck the binary'' ''die cis scum'' ''abolish all genders and gender norms'' we are being just as intolerant.
I'm black. I was born white on the inside but my core is black as tar and one day I hope I'll be an indistinguishable black inside and out. I'm a man. I fit the binary. My brain, my personality are ordinary. I have one little medical problem. But I'm stereotypically male. I like sports, I like beer, I like bacon, I like fights, I like danger, I'm monolithic, I'm protective, I'm angry, I'm uncomfortable showing my feelings, I'm rugged. I have always been a man. I've always dreamed of having a beard. I've always known what kind of male clothes I liked and I could never imagine myself in female clothes. I didn't even know the cause of my frustration, the name of my problem but I've always been dysphoric when I had to act like something other than a guy.
That is what being a trans man means to me. I'm defined by ''he, him, his''.
But there are people that are not like me. Queer people, genderqueer people, non-binary people, trans-something people. Maybe we are all trans in some respects, because nobody fits perfectly in one definition. But these people that we bash are more trans-something than others.
People with breasts and vaginas and skirts and make-up that don't feel completely at ease with the terms ''lady''. That feel different. I don't understand them. I don't try to because I know I can't. I cannot feel what they feel. Everybody's brain chemistry is different and I'll never get a taste of their cocktail.
Maybe society is not ready to understand and accept them. People are overfed with information, overstimulated by lights and sounds, tired by useless and annoying things and they couldn't care less about ''zir'' and ''hir''. Their identities are too complicated to understand and too peculiar to be taken seriously.
This is what I think about ''wannabe trans''. While they are not what I would describe as trans-men their are definitely trans-something. They are trans-themselves, transitioning from a stereotype to a complex, fluid, human being. And maybe their problem is that they are trying to explain the complexity of their being to people who've barely met them and who are not interested in their experience.
Most of the times LGBT people recognize that there are other ways of manifesting yourself, your love and your identity other than the strict gender roles enforced by the society. Non-LGBT people hate LGBT people because they fear that in a world of total freedom, they will be the ones oppressed and their ways of expression will be frowned upon. And I've seen LGBT people doing that. The problem is that everybody fails to understand that nobody should enforce anything on anybody.
The rainbow metaphor is an excellent one. Non-LGBT people are black and white, men and women who are not bothered by the norms of society because they naturally fit in the stereotypes. LGBT are not black and white. They are different colors and different shades and they can't be categorized in two simple and understandable terms because everyone is different. LGBT people complain about the pressure to fit in and choose between black and white or settle for a neutral grey.
It's true that not all people fit the binary, but it's also true that a lot of people fit comfortably in the binary and when some of us say ''fuck the binary'' ''die cis scum'' ''abolish all genders and gender norms'' we are being just as intolerant.
I'm black. I was born white on the inside but my core is black as tar and one day I hope I'll be an indistinguishable black inside and out. I'm a man. I fit the binary. My brain, my personality are ordinary. I have one little medical problem. But I'm stereotypically male. I like sports, I like beer, I like bacon, I like fights, I like danger, I'm monolithic, I'm protective, I'm angry, I'm uncomfortable showing my feelings, I'm rugged. I have always been a man. I've always dreamed of having a beard. I've always known what kind of male clothes I liked and I could never imagine myself in female clothes. I didn't even know the cause of my frustration, the name of my problem but I've always been dysphoric when I had to act like something other than a guy.
That is what being a trans man means to me. I'm defined by ''he, him, his''.
But there are people that are not like me. Queer people, genderqueer people, non-binary people, trans-something people. Maybe we are all trans in some respects, because nobody fits perfectly in one definition. But these people that we bash are more trans-something than others.
People with breasts and vaginas and skirts and make-up that don't feel completely at ease with the terms ''lady''. That feel different. I don't understand them. I don't try to because I know I can't. I cannot feel what they feel. Everybody's brain chemistry is different and I'll never get a taste of their cocktail.
Maybe society is not ready to understand and accept them. People are overfed with information, overstimulated by lights and sounds, tired by useless and annoying things and they couldn't care less about ''zir'' and ''hir''. Their identities are too complicated to understand and too peculiar to be taken seriously.
This is what I think about ''wannabe trans''. While they are not what I would describe as trans-men their are definitely trans-something. They are trans-themselves, transitioning from a stereotype to a complex, fluid, human being. And maybe their problem is that they are trying to explain the complexity of their being to people who've barely met them and who are not interested in their experience.
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